Writing

Writing is therapeutical. No big news I guess. But I only came to realize this some time ago. It quite often happens lately that I sit down, compose posts about subjects that bother me and after I´ve written it all down, I feel either silly to be even bothered or if I am lucky I am seeing the solution chrystal clear in front of me.

Yesterday I wrote a long post about school systems and my life and my dreams, I got frustrated during the writing and then when I read through it again, I felt silly. My life is almost like a dream. I married the man I love and still love and I am being loved back, I have a great family and great friends, I am lucky to find a job whenever I want, whenever I move to another country, and so on and on and on.

So far I never posted the posts I thought were silly at the end or nothing interesting to read as I don´t like to complain about my life. Now I decided that I will never the less post this one. So happy reading and I am curious about your thoughts:

Studying, working, family …… just a few thoughts

Soon it is time to apply at the different universities if one wants to start to study end of August. As many of you know, studying has been a dream for me, well; it still is even if things didn´t turn out as planned.

(for my new readers: Mr J.S. and I planned to study in Eastern Europe, but for several reasons it didn´t work out, my studies never started, it´s a long story and if you are interested drop me an email ; my husband failed some of his exams, so we moved to Scandinavia)

So now I am thinking again about studying and what I should do with my life. Some things never change! There are several obstacles that keep me from studying. The biggest one is that I don´t have a gymnasium degree which is the most important and is mandatory to have if one wants to study in Sweden. The Swiss school system is totally different; I went to business school after 9^th class, for 3 years, it´s an apprentice ship. I worked for 3 days and went to school for 2 days per week. After 3 years I passed the exams and got the federal diploma. Later on I studied marketing and communications in a higher education institute, after 2 years I passed the federal exam and got the federal diploma. In Switzerland the federal diplomas are the most important ones, unfortunately they are not internationally comparable and only useful in Switzerland. After I completed my marketing studies I couldn´t find a job in my field. As I didn´t want to become unemployed I accepted a job opportunity as an executive assistant for one of the board members of a large Swiss company. In the beginning I wanted to continue to look for a job in my field but when time went by I just stayed in my job, I liked my boss, the people and the money, I earned ridiculously much and thanks to that I could afford to travel a lot, stop working, move to Hungary etc. The problem is that I didn´t gain any experience in my field since ending my studies. Towards the end I was really getting frustrated with my job, the tasks, not the boss or the people. I was looking forward to a change in life, to join my hubby and study as well. As you all know plans don´t always work out and we made yet another change in life.

When we moved to Scandinavia, I found almost immediately a job. Again as an executive assistant, this time for two of the managers in one of the biggest world-wide companies. I was very lucky and very grateful. But it didn´t take long and I got frustrated again. Not with my bosses and not with the people but with the tasks. I feel like I am loosing my mind as I never use it. I am working like a robot, done everything a thousand times. What I forgot to mention before was that I studied marketing and communications as I wanted to change my job, as I was frustrated of being an assistant, thought I would take my life in my hands for a change. Well, here I am again, 7 years and 2 countries later.

Oh wow, this starts to become a really frustrated post. I am sorry, but it´s good to get it all out.

So now what? I can´t stop thinking about studying, I am surfing the net and try to come up with the perfect solution. First of all I don´t know what I want to study, I don´t know what would make me happy, what I would want to do day in – day out. The most logic would be to continue in direction marketing and communications, maybe add media. But how would I ever get a job (after I studied), that would probably mean to start as a trainee again, start from the bottom. The other option would be to change totally, use my talents, maybe do something in the area of languages, teaching or tourism. But payments in these areas are really low. I am feeling kind of trapped.

Let´s say I decide what to study, then I would probably have to obtain a gymnasium degree first. There is one more obstacle, I can´t do math. Never could, always just somehow went by, and always thought I will anyhow never use it as I would never want to work with anything that has to do with math. So I stopped math after 9^th grade that was 16 years ago. Not only did I stop, I also never understood it in the first place. So how the hell will I ever understand it now? And if I want to study I probably need math A (the lowest level). This makes me feel so stupid sometime.

Ok, now I gotta stop and think about all the things that I can and try to focus to find a solution. Feeling sorry for myself will not take me anywhere.

There are many obstacles in my way and I am not sure I will be able to overcome them. Life as an executive assistant might be frustrating but it is paying the bills and I will always find a good-paid job. We are planning to start a family (once we landed on our feet and can actually breath again), how could I combine studies with children, how would we afford all this?

At the end of this post, when reading it again, I feel silly and can only smile. I am happy, I am happy with where I am, I just have to find a solution to deal with my frustrations at work, maybe I should rather talk to my bosses and ask if I can be involved in a project or if they could add some other tasks to my job. Guess that’s what I will do!

Thanks for listening, it helped a lot to just write down all my thoughts!