Last night we had my in-laws over for a traditonal Swiss dinner, called Raclette. My sister brought a huge amount of cheese with her last weekend when she was here, so we decided to invite my husbands family to share the joy of Raclette.
What does this have to do with new rules you might ask. It´s about Kashrut. I grew up eating kosher at home. We are a traditional family, not keeping Shabbos, yet we all went to Jewish school and Friday night we had Shabbos dinner. As kids we would go to Shul every Shabbos morning, but we would drive there, yes totally double standard. The only time we wouldn´t drive is on Yom Kippur. So, I grew up this way and what can I say, even if it all doesn´t make sense and my parents had a funny way of choosing what mitzwot they liked and which they didn´t, this feels right for me.
Then I met my husband, he is from a traditional family, yet their main focus lays on the yom tov´s. They are not eating kosher at all and never have a kiddush on Shabbes evening. Mr. J.S. went to Jewish school for 9 years and to Jewish summer camp for I-don´t-know-how-many-years. So, he knows how to do everything, he knows the rules of Kashrut, etc. but never practiced it. When we met, I only had a set of milchig dishes, I would eat meat only at my mom´s so there was no reason to have a fleishig set.The big thing that disturbed me was that he ate pork, but he stopped that immediately after we met. But he would mix fleishig and milchig and made me think that maybe it was time for me to change. Please don´t misunderstand this, he would never ever tell me what to do or how to eat etc. He would never suggest me to mix food or not to stick to my kashrut rules. It was me who started the process of thinking. It was a process of 3 years, during which we had only one set of dishes and used it for both, during which he mixed milchig and fleishig and I tried once, I felt awful and guilty and needless to say didnt´t repeat it.
And then we bought our apartment and I just told my husband, that´s it, now we change and have kosher at home! He agreed without any discussion, I even think he likes it ;) and for me it just feels right.
But I wonder why. Why does it feel right, cause that´s how I grew up? Why is keeping kosher, having kiddush on Friday night and celebrating yom tov so important to me? Why does it disturb me to see another jew eat pork but I have no problem driving on shabbos? I guess it all can´t be explained by logic, I have no other answer.
(ok, I failed making the connection to Raclette, let´s leave that to another time :D)
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15 comments:
We all feel differently about things and it's ok not to understand why you feel this way.
I am the only one who keeps kosher in my household. That's why we have two sets of glass dishes for the plates, it's easier then if there is a mistake. We also have one separate pan if someone wants to eat treif meat.
And I do eat Raclette. I love it! I think I can see your conection, in fact! When we do have raclette, I don't eat meat but I buy meat for those that do. The good thing is that the meat is cold so the small "Raclette holders" only touches the cheese.
u feel strange about things that are against what u believe in and contradicting what u were brought up with.
Driving on Shabbat is a complex issue as far as I am concerned. If there is no alternative, the shul is really far being the most obvious, I have no problem with the issue. I suppose this is the case in Stockholm for lots of people. You either drive, take the subway or don't go to shul at all. But then if nobody goes, what happens to the community?
But if the synagogue is within walking distance, it seems fairly reasonable to expect people to walk.
What we see at home are the things we carry for the rest of our lives.
It really has a big impact on our way of thinking.
You parents set some standards and you really feel like you don't wan to go 'lower' than that.
Since they taught you by example that driving was ok, but other things weren't that’s pretty much how you feel.
Even among completely observant people there are things that are shocking for some and perfectly normal to others(like eating Chalav Akum for e.g.)
SW/FM: thanks, I guess we all have these feelings in some sort.
ID: you got the connection :D. Regarding driving on Shabbes, Shul was never far from home, not in Switzerland and not in Sweden. It was just a decision my parents (and most other community members) took. I can go on and on with lots of double standards. We were not allowed to write, paint or rip things apart, but we were allowed to go shopping in town..... I think it is more like Prag points out, my parents set the standards and rules and that´s why it feels right.
nuch a chosid: you are probably right
Prag: you got me, totally! I am at a level were I can´t compromise more. Maybe if life would be different I could change and keep Shabbes, I don´t know, but "lower" or less observant I can´t go.
Pearl: unfortunately this is not a joke! When I used to study, I often ate dinner with my non-Jewish study partner. She just loved her sausages and other treif things. She bought her own frying pan, a plat, fork and knife and ate like this. I don´t think it is anything wrong with that. If I would have frum people over I would also put paper plates and plastic forks on the table. Why not vice versa? I would never offer any mix of food, but if a friend spends a lot of time at my house, I have to expect her eating habits as well. (but I had to laugh, at it does sound like a joke)
So much of it has to do with how we were raised.
For instance, in my house we NEVER had pork or shellfish, but we ate cheeseburgers all the time. So I have carried that forward.
I think nothing of mixing milk and meat...but I would never, ever buy pork, shrimp, lobster, etc. and bring it home. (I will admit that I occasionally eat it out).
Congrats to you on your kosher home.
Mazel tov to both of you.
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I don't know about others, but for me it's important because I feel obligated as a Jew to keep the mitzvos G-d gave us. Plus, I feel it's nurishment for my soul.
May you and your husband keep growing
Stacey: it´s a scary thought that we have so much impact on our children as our parents had on us. We really have to think carefully how we raise them and I guess that´s why I want a kosher home, I want to raise them as I was raised and I think I have to start before I even am pregnant. It´s new to hubby and it has to feel natural to him first. The thing is whatever you do or how kosher and not kosher you keep, it must feel right for you. I felt so guilty when mixing, I couldn´t enjoy the food. I never tried shellfish or pork, couldn´t bring myself to try it, so I can´t miss it. In Scandinavia especially shellfish is almost on the daily menue, people at work can´t understand how I can refuse shrimps...
LVNSM27: thanks, but it has less to do with growing, I would say back to the roots is the better expression :)
Wow, JS I wish I had some answers for you, but it seems most of the thing I would say have already been said above!
BTW, you're tagged!
okay, :)
Baleboosteh: thanks for the tagging ;)
lvnsm 27: :), I didn´t mean it in a harsh way, I am just glad things are as I am used to.
Everyone has their own level of observance- and everyone makes their own adjustments and allowances to modern life- I think its great that you and your husband are on the same wavelength now- and I hope that it stays that way. Enjoy the Cheese!
amishav: thanks, I hope it too ;)
The kosher choice is so interesting.
We keep a kosher home. My parents do not, and never did.
While they do, in theory, respect our choices, in practice it is quite different. I will eat non kosher at their home, but really do not like having it in mine.
So the paper plates have, at times, become the compromise.
I would like to go to their home more often, but we have 2 young kids, and it's easier to eat here. And they smoke in their house, which is a whole other (horrible) story!
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